I would once again like to apologize for the absence of yesterday's post. My back has been killing me for the past few days and after taking the amount of medicine that it takes for me to be able to rest comfortably it is utterly impossible for me to put together any sort of coherent thoughts (shut up, Mark!). So last night I popped some pills, curled up in bed, watched American Idol, and (according to my very, very patient and handsome husband) started babbling nonsensically and fell asleep... mid-sentence. It was fabulous!
There is something incredibly outstanding about being all hopped up on painkillers and muscle relaxers. Calm down everybody! I am not stealing prescription pads and forging my way into Oxycontin heaven or scoring dirty Vicodin tablets from the medicine cabinets of abandoned houses BUT if I can grind up some legally prescribed Percocet and use it as the Margarita Salt around my little glass of tequila-based joy, I see no real harm. (Well, except for all of that DO NOT MIX WITH ALCOHOL nonsense the doctors HAVE to put on the side of the pill bottle.) And for the record, I almost always follow the instructions on any prescription bottles or medicine packets that I use (you know for my sinuses, and my allergies, and my high blood pressure, and my anxiety, and my insomnia, and all of the other pills I take daily - Yes, Walgreen's does love me!). But it just seems as though it might take a bit more Ibuprofen than most to effect me, maybe it's because I am not some tiny little teacup of a girl or perhaps it is just that my pain is more determined than other people's pain. I don't know for sure exactly what the problem is. Now, I am guessing that at this point you are recalling my previous confession that I am a hypochondriac (I am) but I actually do have x-rays proving the arthritis in my back (they found it when I went in complaining about what I thought was a tumor in my intestines... or maybe it was my stomach... anyway it turned out to be just the flu and arthritis in my back). In any case, "take two aspirin and call me in the morning" just doesn't work for me when I am hurting. So, I take the two aspirin, add two Tylenol PMs, and chase it with the daintiest glass of Boone's Farm Snow Creek Berry Wine. I just don't see the problem.
It might not seem like it, but I tend to be a tad high strung and these concoctions work wonders slowing me down. If they didn't, I might have to develop a drinking problem or something and that wouldn't be good for anyone. I would probably act all crazy (well,crazier) and start slurring my words all of the time. Nobody really likes the inebriated and I really need to be liked (I also need to sleep with a t.v. on but that is completely irrelevant, in this case). After a slow spiral into a drunken abyss, I would have to go to A.A., and well, that's just for quitters. I can't do that, it wouldn't set a good example for my little sister (for that matter, not for my kids and grand kids, either). I guess if I'm being honest, mixing my own pain "remedies" is not the best example either. Most likely, I won't support my grandson sucking down an Ambesol / Baby Tylenol / Similac Cocktail when he starts teething or my son dosing my granddaughter's popsicle with Ritalin and NyQuil the next time she gets a little wound up. For that reason, I should probably ease up some... plus, my husband slipped and called me Anna Nicole the other night. So from now on, whenever I take ANY medicine I will read (and follow) the instructions given... even if I have "borrowed" the medicine from someone else.
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