All Hail Erica Kane!

Last night I had a dream that I was at the State Fair (but it couldn’t have been our State Fair because it was much cleaner and there were a lot of monkeys around). Anyway, my husband and I were walking around and we stopped to look at the ginormous glass snow globe filled with actual people and this lady came up and randomly started a political conversation with my husband. After everything he said, she would just coo and say, “Oh my goodness, you are so smart. I bet they don’t have smart people like you inside that snow globe!” After about the fourth time she said this I noticed that she had started caressing his arm (In all honesty, I didn’t just notice, one of the monkeys pointed it out.), and I became furious and yelled, “Husband, come on! I don’t like this lady!” and I started to walk away. He did not follow! I asked, “Aren’t you coming?” He said, “Of course, but after I finish this sentence and you take off those shoes.” (I probably should have told you that I had on clown shoes and the madder I got the bigger they got). At this point, I was fuming mad and stomped away – just the monkey and me… And then I woke up! But I was still mad! How could my husband have humiliated me that way? That woman was openly flirting with him and he didn’t storm away with me. About that time, my husband walks into the bedroom, coffee cup in his hand, and says “Good Morning, Mrs. Fisher”, the way he always does… and I began to yell at him! My poor, poor husband!

I wish I could say this is the first time I have yelled at him about something I have dreamt but it’s not. I once stayed angry for three days because he left my dog Jack behind during a vicious zombie attack (Seriously, though he could have just as easily grabbed the dog). I beat the crap out of him while I was sleeping once because I was having a nightmare that I was being assaulted by Donnie Osmond and I bit the top of my grandson’s head while we were napping together (in my dream I was trying to bite an apple before it bit me). I was pretty ashamed of myself but luckily I didn’t do any permanent damage (To him anyway, it was 3 years ago and I still have flashbacks and start frantically searching for teeth marks on top of his head).

It’s just that my dreams are so incredibly vivid and I dream most every night. Now don’t get me wrong, not all of my dreams are bad. My dreams are, more often than not, absolutely spectacular. I once dreamt that I had a disease that caused me to lose a pound every time I ate a Krispy Kreme Donut and one time I dreamt that I met Harry Connick, Jr. and we just hung out for a whole day. We went to IHOP with Morgan Freeman. It was fantastic! He is really down to earth… They both are actually. But my favorite dream was the one where I had a dinner party and all of the characters from my favorite books came (Diana Ross and Ross Perot were also there but I don’t know why) and we sat around all night eating Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato sandwiches and talking. Crazy, right? I know and the worst part is that it is not only when I sleep, my brain works overtime when I am awake, too. I probably wake my husband up from a sound sleep at least once a month because “I hear something” and generally (due to my tremendous fear of things that scurry) I am convinced that it is a raccoon in the ceiling or aliens outside my window. When people are whispering, I am certain it’s about me (complete and total strangers – yes, I am a narcissist). If the phone rings in late in the evening and stops before caller ID can register, I am sure that a serial killer is just making sure I am home.

I realize that my wild imagination gets me into trouble sometimes and usually makes me appear just a little unbalanced. It always has! I guess that is what makes me such a Drama Queen. Not the kind of Drama Queen that goes around starting drama (All Hail Erica Kane!) but when there is drama... damn it, I REACT! I react like I am on camera (Think Meryl Streep without the accents – O.K. maybe sometimes I do accents but that’s irrelevant). I guess that makes me more of Drama Princess (all the power none of the responsibility). Anyway, when you mix my god-given flair for the dramatic with an imagination like mine… WOW! It can be dangerous not so much for me but for those within a twenty feet radius. So, I guess the only thing I can do is invite all of you to take 3 great big giant steps back and watch the show.