Friends Don't Let Friends Dial Drunk!

At 2:39 a.m. this past Saturday, my son (who is well over 21) called me, DRUNK, from the bathroom of a bar. He had to tell me something funny... it was funny but what I found funnier is that he called me. Some men make booty calls, some men call to yell at ex-girlfriends and ex-wives, and some men just call around trying to score some weed, but my son called his mommy. My husband and I were very proud. However, it started me thinking about all of drunk phone calls I have made.

• My best friend, Annie, and I once sat at my house and got drunk (we finished off the end of every bottle of liquor we had in both of our houses). After videotaping ourselves lip syncing Talk Dirty To Me by Poison and Michael Jackson's Wanna Be Startin' Somethin', we got bored and decided to prank phone call my beautiful, adoring, and remarkably understanding baby sister... over and over again. She happened to be entertaining that evening (she was NOT happy)!

• After a Bachelorette Party that I was enjoying a little too much moved to a local gay bar for a superb drag show, I grabbed a strangers cell phone and called an ex-boyfriend to come get me. When he reluctantly came in to pick me up, I threw my arms around him, kissed him passionately, and turned to the lady(?) next to me and said "It's okay, he's a girl".

• When I first started dating my husband, I was fighting our relationship every step of the way. And after a night out with my friend Felicia, I left him this message, "I know you think that I am going to fall in love with you but I'm not. Just because I think I love you doesn't mean I do, because I don't. You know why because I know that you love me and that's not good. Not good at all. So I love you and I will talk to you later. O.K.? Oh, Felicia say hi! I'm a little drunk and don't love you. Bye!" He politely waited for 10 whole minutes the next time I saw him before he started laughing hysterically.

Now this is very small sampling of my drinking and dialing history. I have a laundry list of drunken moments where my mouth has run amok and I blame my friends! If you see someone you love attempting to dial a phone while intoxicated, it is your duty to stop them (the only exception being, if your drunkenness is equal to or exceeds theirs). I once staggered up to a man in a bar with the intention of telling him that his face appeared to be morphing into a werewolf or perhaps a yeti but my friends stopped me. That is friendship. When I wanted to call my ex-husband with an itemized list of ways he had never satisfied me, my friends stopped me. Again, friendship!

In my opinion, when witnessing a friends mouth writing a check that their ass can't cash, we should remember... Friends Don't Let Friends Dial Drunk.