Crinoline and Lotta Ham Sam-iches!

One of my closest friends in high school was a girl named Joy. She and I were opposites in a lot of ways (She was thin, I was not. She was blond, I was not. She was a cheerleader, I was not. She was quiet, I definitely was not!). But what we did have in common is that we were both a little boy crazy... well, actually more than a little (But in our defense, what we have in common now is that we are each married to incredibly wonderful men who we love dearly). However back then... we were silly for boys. It was ridiculous. We flirted. We strutted. We gave "come hither" looks. We laughed at stupid jokes (but we never giggled. We drew the line at giggling! Those girls are just ridiculous!). We were just silly, silly girls but even silly girls need a rest. And when we did, it was Lotta Ham Sam-ich Night!

Lotta Ham Sam-ich Night was a tradition for the two of us. It meant that she would spend the night at my house and from about 7pm until noon the next day we would "veg". No make-up. No parties. No boys. Just us. Sometimes we would give each other facials. Other times we would plan our weddings (because, you know, a girl's gotta dream). Usually, though, we would just watch movies and chill. For us, chilling meant homemade Mint Chocolate Chip Milkshakes and Lotta Ham Sam-iches. This was our ritual. We would use almost a quart of ice cream and only about 1/2 up cup of milk to make the shakes because the thicker they were the better and once they were done, we would place our glasses into the freezer so the shakes could thicken more. Now (in our delusional minds), the "lotta hams" were the true work of art. Really, all they were were ham sandwiches with Colby cheese sliced super-thick, lettuce and mayonnaise. I think the reason we liked them was because we only ate them when we were together, pigging out, and perfectly relaxed. Sitting on my family room floor, devouring "sam-iches & shakes", giggling like girls, belching like boys, and basically just not worrying about being pretty or popular or cool. It was perfect... usually.

On one said occasion, Joy and I were chillaxing after our "shakes & sam-iches" and had decided to give each other facials. To be honest, we were trying to block out the fact that it was Prom Night and, since we were sophomores and had not been invited, we were sitting at home. We had just finished applying the thick green face masks when we heard a knock at the door.

After that everything seemed to move in slow motion
(so that is the way you should picture it).

My dad yelled, I've got it. It is probably just Willie and Jesse." (Willie and Jesse were two of the cutest and most popular boys on the basketball team).

"Why would Willie and Jesse be here?" I screamed (seriously, you have to picture it in slow motion).

My dad grinned (and I'm not sure if it was a sincere grin or a devious one), "I invited them over to take pictures with their dates in the back yard. I figure you two would love seeing the guys all dressed up." (In retrospect, it was a devious grin.)

Just as my father reached the door, Joy and I looked at each other. We were wearing cut-off sweats and tee-shirts splattered with the remnants of our shakes. I am fairly certain one or both of us may have had lettuce in our hair and our faces were rapidly hardening beneath the bright green face masks. Panic set in as we raced past the front door and up the steps to my bedroom.

We could hear the guys and their dates chatting with my dad. (I am sure they were perfectly nice girls but we were jealous). We dug through my drawers trying to find something decent to throw on. We ran to the bathroom to scrub our faces clean, pile on some eyeliner and do something with our hair. It was miraculous! We were girls on a mission and down the stairs looking semi-decent (and I do mean semi) within 6 minutes.

Joy and I tried our hardest to look casual as we made our way to the backyard. (Willie and Jesse... no big deal) But there they were, looking gorgeous in their tuxes. But I could tell that they wished we were the one standing next to them in layers of crinoline, neon satin, and carnation wrist corsages. They just looked at us and smiled. It wasn't until later that we realized that they weren't staring at us with longing, they were just trying to figure out what the streaks of green crap were on our necks and ears. Apparently we hadn't scrubbed our faces quite as good as we thought. We didn't stress though, we just made two more Lotta Ham Sam-iches and chilled.