My Super Sweet 41st Birthday

Before I begin today's diatribe, I have to handle a few bits of "blogging business". First, I really need to thank my friend Mark for his help. He proofreads my blog every day and gives me corrections and feedback. It is not easy being my friend yet he still hangs in there (speaks volumes about his character but not much about his sanity). Second, from now on I will only have new post Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be saved for my very understanding husband and children (it only seems fair). Now on with the show...

Although it is a bit embarrassing to admit, I once spent an entire Saturday watching a marathon of MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen. For those of you who have never seen it, let me summarize it for you - Each episode is devoted to the planning and execution of a 16th birthday party for an incredibly spoiled child with incredibly rich but stupid parents. Some of the parents are celebrities or sports stars and a few are just really wealthy business men and women but they are all, for the most part, stupid. Stupid? Yes, stupid! Their children are the most spoiled, ungrateful beings ever filmed and yet Mom and Dad are laying out (if you are not sitting down, you may want to) 10s of thousands of dollars for parties and for the cherry on top, at the end of each episode these little heathens are presented with a car. (No, not Corsicas, Tempos, or Nissans! We are talking BMWs, Escalades, and Mercedes). It is mind-blowing. These parties have well-known musical artists performing and one kid sent pre-loaded iPOD's to each of his guests as invitations. It was sick (and not in a good way). I had a pretty nice 16th birthday party. My parents rented a party venue, there was a DJ, and a cake shaped like Michael Jackson! It was wonderful! I was happy! We had fun and my parents didn't have to mortgage our house to pay for it! These kids are horrible and have done nothing to deserve such indulgences... but I have! So, I have been secretly planning My Super Sweet 41st Birthday!!!! (This party is dependent upon my winning the lottery... twice... but this is how it would go!

My Super Sweet 41st Birthday would have an Old School Theme. I would rent out our local skating rink and immediately have the parking lot repaved and then I would have the cement painted purple paisley. Each of my guest would receive hand delivered invitations accompanied by...Raspberry Berets for the women and sequined gloves for the men. There will be a stage set up in the parking lot where The Bangles and Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam will be alternating performances while people are entering the main event.

My V.I.P.s and I will make my entrance an hour after everyone arrives, Spinderella will stop the music and the lights will go dark. My girls and I, will come in dressed in military attire and do the dance sequence from Rhythm Nation. 5...4...3...2...1! My guests will go wild!

After we finish, the girls and I will all go change into very hot outfits and I will take the stage. I will point out the different dance podiums that I have had built throughout the building (Just like on Soul Train and the long haired Black-Chinese girl dancing in the corner... Just like on Soul Train). Right at that moment New Edition will take the stage with BOTH Bobby Brown and Johnny Gill (of course, that means Eddie Murphy will be somewhere close behind, no pun intended). After performing Mr. Telephone Man and If It Isn't Love the lights lower and they start to sing Can You Stand The Rain and my husband and I take the floor (he is wearing a white tuxedo shirt, bow tie, and a members only jacket). When we get done dancing I go to the Boone's Farm Wine Bar and order a plastic cup of Strawberry Hill.

Right at that moment my sister takes the microphone and tells me she has a surprise for me!...A surprise?... what for me?... And then I hear it, a bird call of sorts?... Oh my god (OMG for those of you under 30) my sister has hired Morris Day and the Time. Immediately I am pulled on stage and although I am overcome with emotion, I still look incredible...

OK... so maybe I got carried away but it could've been worse. I could've had Bananarama pole dancing next to the bar and Marky-Mark and the Funky Bunch giving Lap Dances in the Champagne Room. I'm just sayin', if money is to be spent on a party it should be a.) spent on someone who deserves it and b.) spent on someone who truly knows how to party and since I will be chauffeured home from the party in a little red Corvette driven by Prince, I think that someone should be me.

Please send pledges of donations for my Super Sweet 41st Birthday Party to olivesandunderpants@comcast.net. However, I'm fairly certain donations are not tax deductible.

Thank You