Fat Girls Need Love, Too...

A few weeks ago, one of my regular customers, a retired gym teacher, came in and told me that she would be hosting high school exchange students. I reacted politely and appropriately (How wonderful, That’s fantastic, That sounds like so much fun) but given her advanced age (somewhere between Blanch Deveraux and Barbara Bush) I wondered if she would know what kids these days like to do. Having two teenagers and I thought I would be nice and jotted down a few things that her guests might like to “experience” while they were in town – a few family entertainment venues, some local pizza places, various stores they might like to buy some clothes, and also reminded her of a couple of local dishes they might want to try. I am nothing if not helpful. The next time I saw her I asked her how things were going and if she had taken the kids to the restaurant I suggested. She replied that things were going well but she hadn’t taken them out to eat. She said quickly, “I don’t want get them to fat.” And then, this is my favorite part, she patted my hand and said “No offense.” (NO OFFENSE – one of the most offensive phrases in the English language. – Black people are so loud! No offense. Men are pigs! No offense. I like to put my foot in your old ass! No offense.) Apparently she thinks I’m fat. What the hell? I mean I know I’m fat but, damn, I didn’t know that she knew I was fat. Ouch!

Don’t get me wrong, my weight has fluctuated over the years. I was a chubby kid, a thick but sexy teenager (at 16 - think a younger, shorter, untalented Beyonce – Halle Berry mix with a lazy eye and a stupid ‘80s hairdo. Seriously, I was like the prettiest girl in my Lamaze class and I got half a gym credit for it, so I could graduate high school on time) and now, well now, I am … uhhmmm… substantial! Yeah substantial, I like the sound of that (It makes me sound less like Shrek and more like Mae West, Jane Russell, or Queen Latifah). I have earned my pounds, whether it is from “birthin’ my young’ins” or from Fritos and Ranch dressing, I have worked for every single pound and you know what, I am alright with that. I have admitted to being a casual girl but I am not sloppy – I do not wear stretch-pants at the mall, making people suffer at the sight of me bending over trying to tie my shoes. I always wear a bra in public. I don’t get winded halfway through the grocery store and have to resort the special “Sit and Shop” cart. I am happy, I am clean, I work, I play, I can keep up with my kids and grandkids, and quite frankly, I am pretty damned adorable. Not adorable for my size, just adorable. So you can imagine why it is hard for me to understand other people’s infatuation with weight.

I get that people want to look good in the latest fashions but not at the expense of permanently depriving yourself of Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. I understand wanting to be attractive to the opposite sex (or the same sex, I don’t judge) but if someone loves you or even likes you, it should be for whoever or whatever you are. I can tell you right now my husband appreciates “a little cushion for his pushin’!” Sometimes I diet and work out (by work out I mean a handful of doing sit-ups on my bed and taking the steps DOWN to the first floor instead of the elevator) and sometimes I don’t, depends on my mood. Sometimes I feel sexy in my skin and sometimes I don’t, again it depends on my mood. However, I honestly think that we all feel that way not matter how big or how small. The key is being healthy, mentally and physically, at size 2 or size 22 (I should know because I’ve been both – that’s a bit of exaggeration. I’ve never been a size 2). But big ass, wandering eye, uneven boobs (I probably haven’t told you about those yet but believe me eventually I will fill you in), potential unibrow, and all – I am beautiful and the people I love know that….because I know that.

Skinny people – don’t judge the pudgy. We are not necessarily lazy, stupid, or depressed. We are simply rotund (but so are panda bears and look how cute they are).

My chubby friends – all of the thin ones are not hateful or hungry. We are all built differently and some of my best friends are “leanies” (Big shout out to Annie and Mandy) and they have never asked me to be anything but me.

We are all fantastic and can coexist in harmony! Pretzels and marshmallows are delicious together (My sista “thickens” know what I’m talkin’ about). So, I challenge each of you to find someone physically different from you, find something beautiful about them and tell them. Trust me; it’ll do wonders for you both.