Hairy Nuns, Gay Frankenstein & the Unfortunate Shit-finger

It's weird, sometimes I'll be at work or driving down the street and the most random questions and thoughts pop into my head. Occasionally I share these with my husband and he just cocks his head to side and tells me he loves me (in a way that makes me feel like he might be contemplating having me committed). Once in a while, I will even share my queries with my sister and she just looks at me as if questioning our biological tie. So, I have decided to do what I always do and start venting these questions to all of you.

• If Frankenstein's Monster would have been given a gay brain do you think he would've woken up and said, "O!M!G! Love, love, love the platform shoes! Hate the dark colors! And I should really get some cocoa butter on these scars before they ruin my perfectly fabulous new face!"?

• Do you think any black women have ever committed crimes and blamed it on two random Chinese men the way Susan Smith and Bonnie Sweeten blamed two random black men?

• Why does it feel like such a personal insult when someone de-friends you on facebook?

• I wonder if a midget has ever gotten a boob job?

• Do you think teenage Jesus ever told Joseph, "If you don't let me go to the dance, I'll tell my REAL dad!"?
  

• Do nuns shave their legs?

• Has anyone ever been born with no nipples (I mean, they have C-cup boobs but no actual nipples)?

• Wouldn't it be funny if scientists discovered that the Dinosaurs made meowing noises instead of a roar? Jurassic Park would have been hilarious that way!

• Do you ever wonder how long it took cavemen to figure out that sex led to pregnancy or if there were cavemen serial killers?

• Why do people say, "No offense" before they say the most offensive things! Why don't they just "man up" and say, "I am about to really insult you."

• Why in the world does garlic bother vampires? Why not Lawry's Seasoning Salt or Cinnamon? What is so special about garlic?

• Does Kool-Aid count as water intake? And if not, why?

• Do you ever think Stephen King's wife is ever afraid to fall asleep first?

• Has your finger ever broken through the toilet paper while you are wiping and then no matter how many times you wash and Purell your hands you think your finger smells like poop the rest of the day? Or is it just me? (I call this the unfortunate shit-finger)

I don't know! These are just a few of the things that popped into my head today. Maybe they are crazy questions but I am a curious person. If anybody out there has any answers, please let me know... I'll be here waiting.

-D